There has been some discussion recently as to what moral issues, if any, are raised by the art and science of beeching. I have examined these and would like to share some of the most common moral problems presented by the beecher.
Beeching may often be misunderstood by the non-initiated as making fun of someone. While the beeching community understands that this is not the case, in order to protect the feelings of those who may be harmed by a beech I have developed a few guidelines.
Kids are gullible and have fragile egos. This means that comedic genius may not be appreciated and may lead to life long psychological issues. As an example, I have issues trusting priests due to a comedic bit enacted at my expense as a child. While this mistrust of the clergy probably served me well, we do not want to foster a similar fear of cameras or beeching in the young as this would deprive them of many of things that make life worthwhile.
What if your beech involves a parent and their child?
Like many moral issues, the morality of a parent/child beech depends on the surrounding circumstances. If the beech is of a parent, and the kid is able to perceive that he is not being mocked, then you are probably O.K. If the kid positioned in such a way that they may think you are making fun of them, then you are probably beeching inappropriately.
What if the kid is upset because they think I am making fun of their parents?
Life is tough kid, your parents can take care of themselves.
- Do not beech the mentally ill or challenged.
This should go without being said, but I am saying it anyways. This type of beech is wrong for two reasons. First these people already have it tough, do not make it worse for them. Secondly, this sort beech is really to easy to qualify as a good beech, and as such has no purpose other than practice. Note - Politicians do not fall into this category. Neither do professional athletes.
- Only beech in appropriate venues.
Do not be fooled by this moral guideline. Most venues are beech appropiate. Case in point, churches. Some may say that you are disrespecting God by beeching in a church. These people are wrong, and probably stupid. God has a very good sense of humor. Look at the platypus, or George W. Bush. Most of the time God would appreciate a good beech. There are certain times, however, where a church will be hosting an event where a beech would not be appropriate. Beeching a bride during her wedding ceremony is probably not appropriate, be patient and get her during the reception, or even better, during the bachlorette party! A bris is another event which is probably not appropriate for beeching (although it must be noted that the bris beech could turn out to be the funniest beech ever, which may outweigh its inherent immorality).
Drunk people are absolutely fair game.
- Photoshop and super fancy cameras
Photoshop is frowned upon. Beeching is a team event. If you pull off a fantastic beech, but your photog is unable to get close enough to capture it, then your beech is fatally flawed. The use of super fancy zoom cameras or the frame capture of a video camera is also frowned upon for similar reasons.
As I said earlier, this is meant to be a guideline, not absolute beeching dogma. Remember, beeching is a wonderful pastime that has the ability to bring the world closer together and probably feed the hungry, but please be sure to use the power o' the beech wisely. Let me know if any other moral issues have presented themselves to you during your beeching and we will examine them in order to continue our dedication to proper beech etiquette.
May the beech be with you, you son of a beech.
1 comment:
Given that you are now into the moral and metaphysical aspects of beeching, I have a question.
Do you think that God could beech himself (or herself, or itself as the case might be)?
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